I think we all know the real reason the government shut down…

I've only barely started playing MTG but I am so far baffled as to how the community doesn't have some IRL equivalent of Pokemon gyms. People put so much effort into creating decks with unique theming, and while plenty of people are trying to optimize their decks to be flawlessly unbeatable, even more just seem to really like decks with cool themes surrounding particular creature types or mechanics.
I just think Magic would lend itself really well to a type of semi-competitive scene where you and your buddies can hop on the bus to the next town over to go fight Crab Guy (guy who likes crabs) at the Crab Gym (room at the back of a game store with paper crabs on the walls) to get your Crab Badge (small pin with a crab on it) by defeating his Crab Deck (deck whose only creature cards are crabs)
Yes, yes, "they would not fucking say that", but consider: "huge fucking dumbass randomly displays inexplicably deep insight on some pertinent, narrowly defined topic while remaining in every other respect a huge fucking dumbass" is never not funny.